Friday, December 16, 2005


We can be sure that the greatest hope for maintaining equilibrium in the face of any situation rests within ourselves.
Francis J. Braceland
O Magazine, April 2003

Well this quote couldn't have come at a more opportune time. At the moment I'm completely overwhelmed by things going on around me and with me, barely able to maintain my equilibrium let alone advise anyone else how to balance theirs. I know by heart the steps that need to be taken, because the quiet voice gives calm directions, but number one on the list is that I need to be absent from this place for a time.
That in itself poses more pressure. I know some come daily to read here and when I don't write I feel guilt at giving nothing. But at the moment I have nothing of value to give to anyone except myself. If I come unraveled nobody will benefit. So once again it's bootstrap tugging time and I must place my steps back into a rhythm that lets me grow at a pace I'm comfortable with.
I'm of the opinion if I have to take medication to cope, things are totally out of kilter. I'm not at that point yet, but it's near enough for me to ponder the benefits, which is much to near. I didn't medicate myself through anything else I have faced and I'm not about to begin now. Nothing is as bad as what I faced two years ago, so things will balance if I step back from the pressure enough to stand erect again.
My problems and issues are private; if you notice I'm not in the habit of going into details about anything except what helps to get past things. Dwelling on anything in minute detail just keeps the wounds seeping, so my issues are not up for dissection here. But if I learn anything new on this journey back to some basic priorities I'll eventually voice them here.
Don't imagine that I'm abandoning my writing, all I'm doing is shifting my seat a few feet to sit in front of my other computer to give all my attention to my novels. And I'm shifting my focus from my family here to the ones I was born into or birthed myself. I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago, but the speed of change has given me no time to adjust, so I'm gifting myself with enough space to rediscover my own balance and get to know myself, soul-deep, once again.
Once a week, on Friday, I'll add something here. Don't expect quotes or pictures, but as always I'll try to make it something of value and comfort. Worry not about me, I'm simply plugging in to my core and listening only to its voice. I've had too many voices demanding attention lately, tugging me this way and that. If I don't stand strong now, I'll simply return to old habits that took me much too long to overcome.
I'll visit here daily, reading the almost 400 posts I've done in just over a year. I gain and regain insight from reading here the same as anyone else, so I'm going to start at the beginning and travel through it all in measured steps. I'm not seeking to relive the pain, but to relive the healing.
I'd hoped that this place could support my novel writing somehow, but maybe it's meant to be the other way around. I plan on contacting editors in my area and asking them to visit here, maybe what I do would work as a weekly in a paper. Right now the only thing I'm certain of is that I have natural talent for writing and an ability to connect my energy to others enough to bring real comfort. I didn't seek either, but it's so much a part of me that letting it get damaged for any reason is akin to suicide. I simply won't allow it to become less important than it is. My soul is valuable to more than just me, but if I don't tend it then it will shrivel to nothing in no time at all.
And my love of backgammon will drive me to visit as a guest and play from time to time so friends play a guest, it just might be me. Emails will continue as before, but chatting on msn or yahoo is something I'll only do from time to time. I have much to do and a limited time to do it, so I have to use it wisely or lose it altogether. Seems a total waste to waste what I paid so dearly for by ignoring its passing.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Planting Seeds

Any ordinary favor we do for someone or any compassionate reaching out may seem to be going nowhere at first, but may be planting a seed we can't see right now. Sometimes we need to just do the best we can and then trust in an unfolding we can't design or ordain.
Sharon Salzberg
O Magazine, The Power of Intention, January 2004

Anyone who gardens knows that nothing is instant. You plant seeds, water them then wait for sprouts to struggle from the ground, reaching for sunlight. The better prepared the soil the healthier the growth, but even in rocky earth some plants will emerge. With people it is the same.
When you plant a seed there it takes time to reach maturity. But things are happening whether you see results right away or not. Sometimes all you get for what you plant is one scraggly shoot, yet that is often enough to begin thought patterns that lead to the reworking of the soil.
Nobody willingly leaves their garden unattended, but life can be distracting enough to make a person forget to tend to their own inner health because they are tending to everyone else's. That has been a problem for me all my life. I am well aware of that weakness, which makes it possible for me to mute its power. But caring for others is so much a part of me that getting rid of it altogether is not realistic.
I try to spread my gardening more evenly nowadays. Sometimes I succeed and everyone benefits when I am well centered in a healthy place. And the seeds I share from my harvest are what I call dawners. I say words and things dawn on people. Slow growing of what I plant brings forth healthy shoots with strong roots deeply planted. I never pace over what is planted, no human garden is ever seen as fallow just because I do not see what is happening. I feel it instead and continue on planting without fretting about results. If Johnny Appleseed had stood fretting over his seeds until each trees was mature, how many trees would have gotten planted?


Monday, December 12, 2005

Which Are You?

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
Thomas Szasz
The Second Sin (1973) "Personal Conduct"

I have never been stupid in that fashion, naive from time to time, certainly; but mostly I have the wisdom to forgive while learning a lesson I will not forget, so that I can avoid the same pitfalls in the future. I do not make it a habit of reminding the offender over and over of their wrong. That just seems too much like whining to me.
I play backgammon with a bit of skill, but every loss teaches me something I was not aware of before. I practice often, because wisdom is an art that takes much practice and a lot of patience to master. Life is not a game, but some of the same rules do apply.
When the dice roll to a stop what you get is of some importance. But what you do with whatever numbers you end up with influences the outcome more than most of us imagine. If you can remember to look past the moment and anticipate what must be done so that you are positioned in a way that gives you the most options for success then success is much easier. But you have to care enough about where you will end up to move in the strongest fashion possible to get there.


Sunday, December 11, 2005

Visit Yourself

Once in a while you have to take a break and visit yourself.
Audrey Giorgi

Life should be like a fountain, but too often it is more like a drain than a spout. Fighting the current is hard enough without adding the waves of fellow travels, so who you swim beside matters to our survival.
But no matter how much splashing they are doing, when you reach the point of fading into grey a short visit with yourself will inspire stronger strokes. Vivid colors return to you and reflect from you if healthy attention is given to who you are.
It may seem silly that we have to remind ourselves of such a basic thing, but we do. Each exercise of self validation makes me a stronger swimmer. And each time you do it the same results apply. I visit myself often, and find I like who I will become in the days to come. Make friends with yourself and change will be a natural thing. And swimming will become easier, and out-distancing the mighty waves that others splash your way will not be such a struggle.


Saturday, December 10, 2005

One Small Difference After Another

I have never been especially impressed by the heroics of people who are convinced they are about to change the world. I am more awed by those who struggle to make one small difference after another.
Ellen Goodman American journalist

Any steps taken for the advancement of someone else become suspect to me if the giver keeps replaying their role to the masses like a public ad aimed toward eventual sainthood. Peacocks are beautiful, but if you have ever heard one when it is puffed up with ego then you will understand the analogy without much trouble.
My aim here is to help as many as possible and if I am busy holding one up for public view countless other chances to assist will surly pass on by while I am distracted. What I love to do best is plant a seed, water it well then stand back and watch it bloom inside a garden that I was invited into. I learned long ago that I can talk until I turn blue faced to someone who has done nothing to clear the weeds and till the ground and my breath is just hot air that will only add to global warming, and not aide in self restoring. A fallow field grows nothing except weeds and bramble of disorder and drama.
I do not struggle here to puff myself up, but to convince others that they are more than they imagine. People walk through life in a daze, never understanding how wonderful they are or how powerfilled. But when you think about it if you do not realize you possess something it is impossible to utilize it. Gain ground, be more and once that is conquered, be more once more. Let growth be an never ending process and becoming more than you are today will come as second nature.


Friday, December 09, 2005

Life Is A Pulsating Symphony

Life is everywhere. The earth is throbbing with it, it's like music. The plants, the creatures, the ones we see, the ones we don't see, it's like one, big, pulsating symphony.
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Mite Makes Right, 1994

Vibrations echo endlessly through time and space; from the first moment there was life on this planet it popped and cracked with energy. Waves of sound, inspired by drama driven situations and vivid settings, creates its own unique sound. And every person involved plays their own chosen instrument using sheet music that varies slightly by point of view.
We are each center stage of our own production and who we place into it makes up the orchestra. Some have perfect pitch, others are tone deaf. Controlling everyone is impossible since each possesses a different level of maturity and dedication.
The basic rhythm of life itself is common to each of us, but whatever skill we possess in adding to the beauty of the music depends upon our willingness to learn and practice doing something besides simply blowing hot air into a horn, or banging our own drum whenever the mood strikes.
Getting in synch with self makes our own notes clearer and more powerful, while seeing the strengths and weaknesses of all the players can aide you in helping them develop the former while overcoming the latter. And if we are lucky our music will be hauntingly sweet enough to draw a crowd.


Thursday, December 08, 2005

Two Kinds Of Light

There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.
James Thurber US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

Harsh light offends the eye, while soft caresses. Just contemplate the difference between a flare and a candle. Gentle light extends a welcome that encourages a slow gaze. You can take time to layer impressions and end up with a richer picture.
People who glow draw others, sharing space with them causes deeper understanding of just how magical humans can be. Harsh people overpower, taking by force just a fraction of what they could have received otherwise.


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The Making Of A Life

Make your life a mission - not an intermission.
Arnold Glasgow

This quote says it all. Do not be a butterfly on the inside of the window looking out upon life. Ask yourself daily if what you have now is enough to satisfy you forever and if it is not then take steps to get more. More could mean anything from money to knowledge and everything in between.
What satisfies me will be more than some want and less than others hunger for, but I cannot measure things that way. But if I do not bother asking more of myself and of the people around me then I doom myself to being a butterfly pressed up against the window, watching the world go by.


Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Fear Is

Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.
Bertrand Russell, Unpopular Essays (1950), "Outline of Intellectual Rubbish"
British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 - 1970)

Fears are like pennies; we end up with a pocket full, they weigh us down, and have no real worth. To be penniless is a plus when equated with panic. Caution that keeps us safe is one thing, but irrational fear can steal a whole lifetime.
Fright of things that others take for granted has been one of my biggest obstacles. Travel has been a challenge and I have not been that far in miles as yet. I faced a penny heavy brain and left my driveway, knowing that if I did not do so soon, I would lose heart and settle in here. That notion was harder to contemplate than a thumping chest and trembling hands. It is never what you fear but how you face it that counts.
There are many things that I have no interest in mastering. Some fears have an honored place in my soul. Snakes will never have to suffer my touch or me theirs. Mice are only cute on cartoons, and rats are scary in any fashion. But any fear that attempts to keep me from growing has just gotta go. I guess you could say I am at the penny sorting stage of my life. If I add them all up I am certain to possess the price of a life worth of living.


Monday, December 05, 2005

Soul Words

The words that enlighten the soul are more precious than jewels.
Hazrat Inayat Khan

Encouraging words often inspire others to do their best for the sake of the one saying them. But hard phrases said softly can stimulate an enlightened state of mind that will make a person change their reality for their own sake.
Negatives pointed out without spite highlight the obvious to the oblivious in a non threatening way. Word use and how they are delivered is a subtle art. Considering all aspects often flavors the meaning enough to show you something important in a new way, which by rote expands your own understanding. Listen more deeply.
The words said by each of us and how we say them matters in ways we do not always comprehend, especially the ones we use with the internal voice that only we can hear. Echoes of what you tell yourself shadow features and darken lives. Pick gems to give yourself and enjoy the treasure of an altered reality.
The following text is from an email. Thank you Annie, it's always a pleasure to receive something that makes me think enough to wish to place it here.


Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have power to create conditions in your life. What you speak about, you can bring about. If you keep saying you can't stand your job, you might lose your job. If you keep saying you can't stand your body, your body can become sick. If you keep saying you can't stand your car, your car could be stolen or just stop operating. If you keep saying you're broke, guess what? You'll always be broke. If you keep saying you can't trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you. If you keep saying you can't find a job, you will remain unemployed. If you keep saying you can't find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thought will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs. If you keep talking about a divorce or break up in a relationship, then you might end up with it.
Turn your thoughts and conversations around to be more positive and power packed with faith, hope, love and action. Don't be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve.
Watch your Thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your Habits, they become character.
Watch your Character, for it becomes your Destiny
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settle for.

Sunday, December 04, 2005


I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
Joe Walsh

Complaints are mostly useless, like slippery steps leading to deep water. Handling the issues we whine about with actions is much more productive, but it is a normal thing for most humans to complain about something. Pet peeving is pointless.
I feel lucky to see the good in so many things. Misfortune and aggravations are common threads with all of us, but how they are weaved into our lives is more important than we imagine. If utilized as lessons learned they strengthen us in ways nothing else ever could.
Complain if it soothes you, but watch your next step. Make certain it is upward toward a solution and not downward into danger. Keep a careful look out for signs, which turn up in the oddest places.
My posts have been brief of late due to days I took off that caused work to pile up here and at home. All posts will be caught up in time. Thank you for the patience shown by the ones that visit regularly and the kind words of the ones who let me know I am missed when I am absent from this quiet place.


Saturday, December 03, 2005

Genuine Interest

One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else.
Eleanor Roosevelt US diplomat & reformer (1884 - 1962)

The path that led here taught me this quotes lesson well. I started writing, beyond the poetry stage, days after my awakening in 1993. In the process of opening my eyes I noticed the pattern of my footsteps and was driven to record them for my own clarity.
The abuse that went on before, its ending, my friends murder and her husbands suicide, Jerry's illness and death, it all fueled my drive to write.
Writing gave me things to study, territories to conquer, like this computer and internet issues that were far above my knowledge. I struggled past one obstacle just to run into the next, but they all linked in a chain and connected enough for my steps toward knowledge to seem completely natural.
As long as I feel my dream evolving I am willing to learn whatever I need to further its promise. To leave it stationary seems unnatural, somehow. It can no more stand in place than I can, and since it is part of me where I go it will follow and I will grant it the same license.
This is just a small part of a bigger picture. But it is the heart and soul. I finally finished the novel writing course I started using a full first draft already done. The input I received all along and suggestions given and utilized will be invaluable to the rewrites I will soon begin. It is just another link in a long chain that I hope never breaks.
Find something that peaks your interest, give it your all and let it produce what links it will for you to follow to more and more and more.


Friday, December 02, 2005

Different Dimensions

The only difference between a rut and a grave... is in their dimensions.
Ellen Glasglow

This quote screamed at me, saying all I know to be true in just a few short words. Some people rut dwell without knowing, others know and care not that they follow the feet directly ahead, going nowhere at a pace set to keep them half asleep and manageable.
I know and rebel at perfectly pacing myself to anyone else's footprints. Walking beside someone or letting them lead through unfamiliar territory is necessary at times, but to make it a habit to always be a follower in all things makes a person little more than a robot. Our promise and gifts are never truly realized when we live in the constant shadow of others.


Thursday, December 01, 2005

Touching Silence

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The quiet inside of each of us sometimes gets overpowered by the noise of the crowd. It is a vast internal shelter where clarity is kept, but it will not seek us out. We must go there on our own, with deliberate steps.
Our stress levels can be manages from there. Answers are scattered all around like treasures of a tomb and questions can be placed there for safe keeping until the next visit. It is a silent place, but never stationary.
Things go on there even when we are not present in an active way. It exists for a purpose. It echoes for our sake. When we ignore its presence we put ourselves in the path of pointless danger. Find that place if you have lost it somehow, it did not desert you. Practice getting there if you have forgotten the way. Once found spend some time there every day. Absorb the beauty, accept the healing then go on with your day stronger from even a few minutes spent sheltered in a place that truly belongs only to you.


Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Time Heals All Things

Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.
Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

Time is a productive friend or a wasteful enemy, however we choose to implement it. I lost years, yet now I view with joy every moment I have left instead of regretting all that I can never recall.
Time and space are close cousins; the one grants the other to all who agree to let nature take its course and every emotion have its due. Space protects us from further wounding, while time heals whatever we do not continue to pick at. Natural law can rule here, or we can try to control it. We cannot hope to succeed, but humans are stubborn animals.
Fix what can be reached from where you are then let time handle the rest. Do not feed agony, let it die a natural death of starvation. We are not meant to linger overlong in a hopeless state or we just become an extension of it. Remember that time will not stand still while you struggle to decide which way to jump to get off the track you stand on. It will blow its whistle then barrel over you like a runaway train. Jump on board and ride while you still possess a ticket.


Tuesday, November 29, 2005


Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.
Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi Irving Good
The Scientist Speculates (1962)US biochemist (1893 - 1986)

Point of view is something most people do not dwell on overlong and in the process of overlooking its importance they miss so many things that would explain so much. When someone acts in a certain way the reason behind it is more telling than the act itself. And understanding their point of view can fine tune an impression into a more forgiving conclusion.
When someone acts out and your feelings are raw, take a moment to look deeper. You may have done a small deed that wounded them without realizing it would hurt them at all. You may have done nothing at all, except be in the path of someone else's frustration. If you are innocent in intent or blameless by innocence, why take instance offence. Pain pours out of people in many fashions and most of them are not pretty. Do not accept the blame if it is not yours, but do not lose sight of the fact that something lit the fireworks.
Hints about the location and length of the fuse will be there. All it takes to begin seeing deeper is a willingness to put yourself in their place for a moment. Most people are starved for someone to really understand without judgment. Do not grade or invade where gentle observation and an open mind will work better to mend whatever is suddenly broken. I have often found that by not adding to the mess a door naturally opens, allowing clarity and compromise.
The man on the mountain top in the picture has a unique point of view. But then again so does everyone else. Where you stand and how you got there matters and if the people you are close to have a clear vision of where you are coming from they can better aid you to where you are going.


Monday, November 28, 2005

Walking Between The Lines

The guy who takes a chance, who walks the line between the known and unknown, who is unafraid of failure, will succeed.
Gordon Parks

I travel that line, unafraid of failure. And my success is assured, but its scope is not. I can affect the heights I reach in a way nobody else can. How far I travel will be on me. Can I stay the course? Will I put all my energy into making my future secure enough so that I can continue doing what I was meant to do? There is no hesitation in my answer... YES I CAN, OF COURSE I WILL.
First of all, I do not fold under weight. I expand in unlimited ways with pressure applied by something that I must learn about to reach my goals. I expand in the same fashion from pressure directed by others with my needs and goals in mind. I am both a teacher and a student in this endeavor and all others that I tackle. And that was the case long before I was even aware of it. I faced the fire over and over and not only survived, but thrived.
I was silent for such a long time, but my mind kept a perfect play by play. I gave all for twenty years to a cause that deserved not over a minute or two of my time once the pattern was set. And I kept at it long enough to turn it around to a more comfortable fit. It was not perfect, by any means, but for ten years I did not have to duck fists, suffer verbal attacks, or edit anything I said.
I am one of the walking wounded who found a purpose worthy of dreaming about as I suffered and toiled. I took my own pain and came to terms with it and my own role in it. My steps have not been wasted; even missteps are utilized for the lessons learned, so do not imagine me an angel. I am just a woman who has had a devil of a time and possesses enough talent with words to make my dream come true. I walk between the lines, never imagining failure as my final destination.
I do not fear anything with more intensity than the notion that I could ever simply become satisfied with settling in place. There is just so much left to learn, teach, and experience to allow any ruts to develop. I am driven to succeed for my own sake as well as yours. My words strengthen some and gentle others, according to their need. And they come from someplace deep and primal, because they touch me in the same fashion. I was driven to this path and the only way to fail is to abandon it.
Follow your dreams. Anyone who reads here on a regular basis and enjoys what I offer has dreams. Make them reality. If not now...when?


Sunday, November 27, 2005

Paint Your Canvas

With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas, thought by thought, choice by choice.
Oprah Winfrey

Creating your own painting with vivid color is just as simple as it is complex. But before you begin you have to possess a clean canvas. If any other hands have slapped paint carelessly you must remove it completely before beginning to place your true colors there.
I am in the process of painting a new canvas. It will be the second one I have done since my awakening and it is breathtakingly beautiful, made bright with colors I never imagined existed when I painted my first. The old one hangs in a gallery dedicated to past triumphs, within eye view as a remainder of how far I have come since the days when I simply held it out and invited others to define its style.
How large a surface I have this time matters not as much as the hues chosen to cover it. Time is the canvas edge; this fact is certain, pondering it only shrinks its boarders without adding anything to its quality. So I hold the brush with attitude, using gentle strokes and bold. And dip in every color that takes my fancy, as I paint a portrait of hope.


Saturday, November 26, 2005

Be There

If you're here for four more years or four more weeks, you're here right now. I think when you're somewhere, you ought to be there. It's not about how long you stay in a place, it's about what you do while you're there, when you go, is that place any better for your having been there?
Karen Hall Jerry Stahl,
Northern Exposure,
Soapy Serson, 1990

The length of time your energy intertwines with a place or a person is secondary. Any intense touch will linger long after you move on. Positive or negative, the choice is yours but the echo you leave is capable of inspiring good or bad, according to how its planted and why.
I have found old shadows, forgotten and hidden that came from the hand of a man that has been dead for over two years. Most of what I struggle with now was planted long ago when I was a different person entirely. Finding it is a painful thing, dealing with it is empowering. Negatives left behind are still negative in the extreme, yet produce positives inside of me as I rid myself of their shadow.
When I leave anywhere, I seek to gift that space with vibrations so positive that whatever good I began does not depend upon my presence to keep growing. I am offended when others stomp through my territory and drop debris as they travel on. Picking up someone else's mess is always such a trial.
Consider as you go; do not just spew through life, leaving chaos behind for someone to deal with years after you cross their path. Think before you speak, the cost of your words may be much dearer than you realize. Be where you are, or go where you can be who you are without struggle. That's my plan.


Friday, November 25, 2005



Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone
South Park, Chef Aid, 1998
Love is mostly wondrous. And a healthy love is much better still. But love of self is vital to the mix; without loving who you are, others will have a hard time getting a balanced view and often fill in the blanks with answers that simply do not apply.
Romance is defined as a love affair, fanciful story, or a realm of fantasy. It is easy to get lost in this place and believe it is the most important location for loving. But although you can create an atmosphere of romantic proportions to visit from time to time, real love does not only exist inside that space. True love is not easy to control with candles, flowers, and wine. True love is internal, eternal, and truly without boundaries.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Patient Protection

Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind.
Leonardo da Vinci Italian engineer, painter, & sculptor (1452 - 1519)

Patience is a virtue that can be developed and fine tuned with practice. It is a bit like a tree, growing out of a rock, giving hope that even the most barren ground can produce life with time. But to rest there without doing anything is foolish. If you make no effort then patience is just a fairytale wasteland, where dreams only have life inside the boundaries of your own mind.
But plot a course, take a stand, implement a plan, do a deed, then sprinkle it with some patience, and let time march on and anything is possible. The limits set in life are mostly self-inflicted, in one fashion or another, so if you have to suffer impatience with anyone then practice it upon yourself first. Perfect the art of patience on your own plate, before you try feeding it to anyone else.
If I had never altered my abused state, I would still be free of it now. He died, which would have been the case either way. But I gave us both a richer life when I changed myself then had the patience to show him the map to my side. It was far from perfect, yet light years away from what had been my reality before. And I have never stopped growing since my rebirth on Oct. 30, 1993.
I have patience with all who merit it, and many who do not. I use it to my advantage always and to theirs most times. Through trial and error, I find a passage through the dark times and have the patience to still be showing the map to others. I do not bellow hurry up, or shift from foot to foot as if eager to rush on. I wait patiently, until I am certain that they at least possess some understanding of the bigger picture that my map implies. I tell them to chart their own course and travel on, secure in the knowledge that in this one thing I helped create some symmetry out of pure chaos.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!


Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Be More

Be more splendid, more extraordinary. Use every moment to fill yourself up.
Oprah Winfrey

This quote is my hope for all who read here. And it is also my hope for myself. I make an effort to siphon every drop from all the time I have. My mind is never still; it is constantly reaching out for new information to use in mapping whatever territory it is exploring. In ways I am just beginning to understand, my mind is getting its first real education.
I focused on emotion for years, cause and effect was my major. I watched as an observer then processed what I saw to select the proper tools needed for control. I took those tools and reworked the situations in the best way to solve issues.
Then I attempted the same with physical, observing, selecting, reworking, for control. That struggle has been much more difficult, but I am well on the way through much of the reworking and do not doubt that control lurks somewhere nearby.
In the mist of it all is fear, which bars every door I need to open. My saving grace is that I am much more frightened of never getting through a door than I am of what lies on the other side. But I am slowed each time, by fear produced in a factory that others built. I do not believe that this will be a condition that will plague me forever. Simple awareness that a factory exists makes it impossible to leave it standing there in my path.
But to fill myself fully from the fountain that stands waiting just ahead, I have to first empty my head and heart of all of the unnecessary fear housed there. I have begun the process, yet have much left to do. With fright it is a given that when one blaze is put out at least two more will ignite. Fear needs us to enable it for it to exist. When it senses we are getting the better of one of its infernos it creates more to take its place. But here again awareness is the key.
Some of the best and deepest ruts are fear lined. And it is impossible to scale a high wall that is ablaze, much safer to walk in the center with a wet towel over your head, following the feet you see just ahead. To escape takes valiant effort. Facing the fire is the only way you can extinguish it, and you cannot do that with your head hidden or bowed.
Awareness is the key to all things. Knowledge places the door within your reach. So fill your mind with tools to assist you in your journey. Become as self aware as possible then keep pouring information in. I have been doing this exercise for the longest time and have only scratched the surface. But now I have acquired the need for heavier equipment and the desire to learn how to operate it.


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Living On Gravy

To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given the chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy. As everyone else, I love to dunk my crust in it. But alone, it is not a diet designed to keep body and soul together.
Bette Davis
The Lonely Life,1963

A life of balance is like a bowl of soup, filled with a wide variety of flavors and textures that make it worth savoring to the last drop. Gravy is tasty, I love eating it on other things, but would never simply make a meal of it. Our systems will not function on a steady diet of sauce.
Money should be like an accessory to our wardrobe. The more wealth we have the more accessories we possess. A person would not dress in accessories alone, but a person can be fully clothed without wearing any at all.
The joy of doing something that is natural to your soul has value that money cannot equal. Priceless endeavors do not depend upon payment in coin to gain you wealth. They enrich you as go in ways that cannot be calculated by anything except an internal audit. And the more you invest the higher your return.

Passing along another great email
Breakfast at McDonald's ..
Please read until the end. This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end!
I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile."
The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.
Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.
As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.
I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.
I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope."
I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers.
That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:
Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.
If you think this story has touched you in any way, please send this to everyone you know. An Angel wrote: Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart.
God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into its nest.

Monday, November 21, 2005

The Strength Of Letting Go

Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.
Sylvia Robinson

Clutching is not the ideal way to maintain a strong, lasting grasp upon anything. More often than not it is a position of total desperation. And let's face it, most things are not meant to be held desperately tight.
Some people try that tactic to keep their mates and end up possessing nothing more than a hostage who escapes at the earliest opportunity. I have seen people so intent on keeping the dead alive that they give their whole life as a monument. I have seen dead horses kicked and sleeping dogs woken for senseless reasons. But clutching a lost cause will not validate its worth. It functions as a barrier, fencing us into a corner with no way out except to unclench and let go.
Fear is a doubled edged sword. Fright causes us to clench hold, but it frightens us more to let go. I decided long ago that I do not want to possess anything that requires a fisted hand to keep. I embrace things fully then step back and have enough faith in myself to let go. I am much more frightened of fences than I am of freedom. And my hands need to be always open to hook onto my dreams, not closed in a choke hold around my nightmares.


Sunday, November 20, 2005

Taming Dragons

Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth.
Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.
Noela Evans

In life anything can be a dragon. What is difficult for some is effortless for others. Some follow us from childhood, while others are born as we travel along. Their size and strength varies by how much they are fed. And when ignored they plant roots and raise a family.
I work hard at taming dragons, sometimes single handedly, sometimes with assistance, but when they cannot be tamed, I slay them as quickly as possible. I have found that the ones others stuffed down my throat, long ago, are the most difficult to manage. But the empowerment earned from tossing out someone else's garbage is well worth the effort. I found that out last month, in a big way. I am learning new things daily from the prizes that spilled out of that dragons mouth, once the fire was out. Each lesson has priceless value to my growth, but some are painful in the extreme.
Sometimes I grow weary of the struggle. I could give into despair and feel sorry for myself. I could refuse to connect with all people, because of the pain caused by a few. I could grow a garden of bitterness with the seeds dropped from careless hands. I could doubt everyone because some lie. But I will not.
A dragons baggage does not belong to me. The real defect is not mine, so punishing myself would not cure it. But escorting another dragon to the boarder of my kingdom will free me to travel on in comfort. I do not hate dragons, I just do not choose to rent them any space within fire breathing distance of my soul.


Saturday, November 19, 2005

Senseless Inventions

What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.
Jewish Proverb

Drama needs no embellishment. Rumors only add layers, of debris, to any difficult situation. But I know people who cannot seem to help themselves. They take a grain of truth and build upon it then sell it to the masses for much more than it is worth.
What you do not see, do not invent, but what you do see, keep to yourself unless someone's safety is compromised. What we view is only the top layer, there is so much more just below the surface. Things said without understanding of what lies beneath only muck things up. Lives are destroyed every day in the name of gossip that holds little or no truth.
People share their hearts with me everyday. I know things that others would love to know, but what I know is only borrowed information. I have no right to trade it or give it away. And I have no inclination. If I told all I know or said all I think, before long nobody would be eager to speak to me, at all. Senseless inventions only make an ass out of their creator.
Why not create a positive? It seems much more practical to assist someone than to condemn them. Tend to your own shortcomings, before you try to judge someone else less than perfect. I do not aim this at anyone in particular, but if it gets you worked up thinking so, it might be because you see yourself in my words. I have no clear image of any face as I type.
I do not judge others, because I do not buy into the gossip game. If I see all as equal, then there is nobody left to talk about. I dwell in a place of concepts and ideas, not a shallow city of whispers in the shadows. It is a difficult thing to absorb the negatives of life with sunshine always beaming in your face. If it cannot be said loud enough for all ears it is not worth the effort. And nine times out of ten it is simply a senseless invention, anyway.


Friday, November 18, 2005

Dreams, Visions, And Ideals

"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil."
James Lane Allen (1849-1923)

This quote is truer than we realize; envisioning dreams grants them life that is often undeniable once given. Lofty dreams inspire an instant urge to transform thoughts into actions. Lofty actions guarantee that tomorrow you will be further along the right path than you are today.
Catch a dream, hook yourself to it firmly with hope and faith. Do not waste time with worry about what is behind you. Whatever is past cannot overtake your position, unless you walk backwards. Take a thought, do the deed, and celebrate the reality.
Be whomever you choose today, no matter who you were yesterday. And joyfully get rid of the baggage that keeps slowing you down. Embrace the dreams that refuse to go away. Change what hurts, sort out the rest, and follow the path of your dreams to the highest point you can reach.


Thursday, November 17, 2005


"Expect people to be better than they are; it helps them to become better. But don't be disappointed when they're not; it helps them to keep trying."
Merry Browne

Expecting the best of others is a special kind of encouragement. There have been times in my life when I acted as bravely as someone else expected, when all I really wanted to do was panic.
I see the best in even the worst, and hope that others will see the best in me. Eyes that reflect pride, in what you are attempting, prod you forward past the bumpy places. A hand on your shoulder encourages a person to look up and view the next step as a positive thing. Sometimes we walk out on our own faith, at others we must step out on the faith that others have in us. Whichever bridge you use the destination is the same; you just have someone to celebrate with when a friends belief gets you to the other side.

I got the following from a friend. I hope you enjoy.

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.


The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." (Charles Schultz)

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Keeping Pace With Your Own Music

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
Henry David Thoreau, 1817-1862
American Essayist/Poet/Naturalist

Every soul gives off special vibrations, and each heart produces a unique rhythm that the mind just naturally writes the lyrics for. But all too often, we allow the hustle and bustle of life to mute the special music composed for our ears alone. And if we cannot tune it in, we miss out on so much comfort and joy.
Children hear it without knowing what it means, while adults know what it means but are too busy or downtrodden to pay attention. Elders grow so serious they forget that internal treasures can be discovered, or rediscovered if need be, whenever we seek them out in an active way. And the reward is always well worth any effort applied.
Invest a bit of time in yourself. Find your drumbeat, close your eyes, and absorb its rhythm. Meet your inner child and invite them to dance, without caring if it appears foolish to outsiders, because it comes so naturally to you. Do not simply be satisfied to line dance with the masses, echoing movements choreographed by others. Keep pace with your own music and sway in your own way.


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

A Rule Of Life

Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in.
Katherine Mansfield, 1888-1923
New Zealand Short Story Author

This quote mirrors my mind set, and the photo echoes how I visualize past and future. Both were chosen because I delight in going deeper than surface level.
My display message, on MSN is, 'Je ne regrette rien', which means I regret nothing. I have had it up there for well over a year and it has become a touch stone for me. Reading it always reminds me that dwelling on things from another lifetime will only spoil the one I am living now. And for me every day is a little lifetime.
I am a bit like the girl in the window, except I am on my feet, facing the future. The darkness all around is like the past. Any attention aimed toward it would illuminate, dimming the brightness of the future. Regret would force me to relive things I already struggled through. And to what aim? Nothing can be altered. Being heavy hearted and empty handed at the same time is unpleasant, but to willingly place yourself in that position is criminal.
I know people who wallow, and I do not wish to be numbered among their group. Why embrace agony so tightly that no joy can penetrate? Why dig in a wound to keep it bleeding? Why waste a minute regretting the moments you already wasted? Why turn your back on the future to relive the past?