Friday, December 16, 2005

Maintaining

TODAY'S QUOTE:
We can be sure that the greatest hope for maintaining equilibrium in the face of any situation rests within ourselves.
Francis J. Braceland
O Magazine, April 2003


Well this quote couldn't have come at a more opportune time. At the moment I'm completely overwhelmed by things going on around me and with me, barely able to maintain my equilibrium let alone advise anyone else how to balance theirs. I know by heart the steps that need to be taken, because the quiet voice gives calm directions, but number one on the list is that I need to be absent from this place for a time.
That in itself poses more pressure. I know some come daily to read here and when I don't write I feel guilt at giving nothing. But at the moment I have nothing of value to give to anyone except myself. If I come unraveled nobody will benefit. So once again it's bootstrap tugging time and I must place my steps back into a rhythm that lets me grow at a pace I'm comfortable with.
I'm of the opinion if I have to take medication to cope, things are totally out of kilter. I'm not at that point yet, but it's near enough for me to ponder the benefits, which is much to near. I didn't medicate myself through anything else I have faced and I'm not about to begin now. Nothing is as bad as what I faced two years ago, so things will balance if I step back from the pressure enough to stand erect again.
My problems and issues are private; if you notice I'm not in the habit of going into details about anything except what helps to get past things. Dwelling on anything in minute detail just keeps the wounds seeping, so my issues are not up for dissection here. But if I learn anything new on this journey back to some basic priorities I'll eventually voice them here.
Don't imagine that I'm abandoning my writing, all I'm doing is shifting my seat a few feet to sit in front of my other computer to give all my attention to my novels. And I'm shifting my focus from my family here to the ones I was born into or birthed myself. I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago, but the speed of change has given me no time to adjust, so I'm gifting myself with enough space to rediscover my own balance and get to know myself, soul-deep, once again.
Once a week, on Friday, I'll add something here. Don't expect quotes or pictures, but as always I'll try to make it something of value and comfort. Worry not about me, I'm simply plugging in to my core and listening only to its voice. I've had too many voices demanding attention lately, tugging me this way and that. If I don't stand strong now, I'll simply return to old habits that took me much too long to overcome.
I'll visit here daily, reading the almost 400 posts I've done in just over a year. I gain and regain insight from reading here the same as anyone else, so I'm going to start at the beginning and travel through it all in measured steps. I'm not seeking to relive the pain, but to relive the healing.
I'd hoped that this place could support my novel writing somehow, but maybe it's meant to be the other way around. I plan on contacting editors in my area and asking them to visit here, maybe what I do would work as a weekly in a paper. Right now the only thing I'm certain of is that I have natural talent for writing and an ability to connect my energy to others enough to bring real comfort. I didn't seek either, but it's so much a part of me that letting it get damaged for any reason is akin to suicide. I simply won't allow it to become less important than it is. My soul is valuable to more than just me, but if I don't tend it then it will shrivel to nothing in no time at all.
And my love of backgammon will drive me to visit as a guest and play from time to time so friends play a guest, it just might be me. Emails will continue as before, but chatting on msn or yahoo is something I'll only do from time to time. I have much to do and a limited time to do it, so I have to use it wisely or lose it altogether. Seems a total waste to waste what I paid so dearly for by ignoring its passing.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Planting Seeds

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Any ordinary favor we do for someone or any compassionate reaching out may seem to be going nowhere at first, but may be planting a seed we can't see right now. Sometimes we need to just do the best we can and then trust in an unfolding we can't design or ordain.
Sharon Salzberg
O Magazine, The Power of Intention, January 2004


Anyone who gardens knows that nothing is instant. You plant seeds, water them then wait for sprouts to struggle from the ground, reaching for sunlight. The better prepared the soil the healthier the growth, but even in rocky earth some plants will emerge. With people it is the same.
When you plant a seed there it takes time to reach maturity. But things are happening whether you see results right away or not. Sometimes all you get for what you plant is one scraggly shoot, yet that is often enough to begin thought patterns that lead to the reworking of the soil.
Nobody willingly leaves their garden unattended, but life can be distracting enough to make a person forget to tend to their own inner health because they are tending to everyone else's. That has been a problem for me all my life. I am well aware of that weakness, which makes it possible for me to mute its power. But caring for others is so much a part of me that getting rid of it altogether is not realistic.
I try to spread my gardening more evenly nowadays. Sometimes I succeed and everyone benefits when I am well centered in a healthy place. And the seeds I share from my harvest are what I call dawners. I say words and things dawn on people. Slow growing of what I plant brings forth healthy shoots with strong roots deeply planted. I never pace over what is planted, no human garden is ever seen as fallow just because I do not see what is happening. I feel it instead and continue on planting without fretting about results. If Johnny Appleseed had stood fretting over his seeds until each trees was mature, how many trees would have gotten planted?

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE

Monday, December 12, 2005

Which Are You?


TODAY'S QUOTE:
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
Thomas Szasz
The Second Sin (1973) "Personal Conduct"


I have never been stupid in that fashion, naive from time to time, certainly; but mostly I have the wisdom to forgive while learning a lesson I will not forget, so that I can avoid the same pitfalls in the future. I do not make it a habit of reminding the offender over and over of their wrong. That just seems too much like whining to me.
I play backgammon with a bit of skill, but every loss teaches me something I was not aware of before. I practice often, because wisdom is an art that takes much practice and a lot of patience to master. Life is not a game, but some of the same rules do apply.
When the dice roll to a stop what you get is of some importance. But what you do with whatever numbers you end up with influences the outcome more than most of us imagine. If you can remember to look past the moment and anticipate what must be done so that you are positioned in a way that gives you the most options for success then success is much easier. But you have to care enough about where you will end up to move in the strongest fashion possible to get there.

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE



Sunday, December 11, 2005

Visit Yourself

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Once in a while you have to take a break and visit yourself.
Audrey Giorgi


Life should be like a fountain, but too often it is more like a drain than a spout. Fighting the current is hard enough without adding the waves of fellow travels, so who you swim beside matters to our survival.
But no matter how much splashing they are doing, when you reach the point of fading into grey a short visit with yourself will inspire stronger strokes. Vivid colors return to you and reflect from you if healthy attention is given to who you are.
It may seem silly that we have to remind ourselves of such a basic thing, but we do. Each exercise of self validation makes me a stronger swimmer. And each time you do it the same results apply. I visit myself often, and find I like who I will become in the days to come. Make friends with yourself and change will be a natural thing. And swimming will become easier, and out-distancing the mighty waves that others splash your way will not be such a struggle.

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE

Saturday, December 10, 2005

One Small Difference After Another

TODAY'S QUOTE:
I have never been especially impressed by the heroics of people who are convinced they are about to change the world. I am more awed by those who struggle to make one small difference after another.
Ellen Goodman American journalist

Any steps taken for the advancement of someone else become suspect to me if the giver keeps replaying their role to the masses like a public ad aimed toward eventual sainthood. Peacocks are beautiful, but if you have ever heard one when it is puffed up with ego then you will understand the analogy without much trouble.
My aim here is to help as many as possible and if I am busy holding one up for public view countless other chances to assist will surly pass on by while I am distracted. What I love to do best is plant a seed, water it well then stand back and watch it bloom inside a garden that I was invited into. I learned long ago that I can talk until I turn blue faced to someone who has done nothing to clear the weeds and till the ground and my breath is just hot air that will only add to global warming, and not aide in self restoring. A fallow field grows nothing except weeds and bramble of disorder and drama.
I do not struggle here to puff myself up, but to convince others that they are more than they imagine. People walk through life in a daze, never understanding how wonderful they are or how powerfilled. But when you think about it if you do not realize you possess something it is impossible to utilize it. Gain ground, be more and once that is conquered, be more once more. Let growth be an never ending process and becoming more than you are today will come as second nature.

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE

Friday, December 09, 2005

Life Is A Pulsating Symphony

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Life is everywhere. The earth is throbbing with it, it's like music. The plants, the creatures, the ones we see, the ones we don't see, it's like one, big, pulsating symphony.
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Mite Makes Right, 1994

Vibrations echo endlessly through time and space; from the first moment there was life on this planet it popped and cracked with energy. Waves of sound, inspired by drama driven situations and vivid settings, creates its own unique sound. And every person involved plays their own chosen instrument using sheet music that varies slightly by point of view.
We are each center stage of our own production and who we place into it makes up the orchestra. Some have perfect pitch, others are tone deaf. Controlling everyone is impossible since each possesses a different level of maturity and dedication.
The basic rhythm of life itself is common to each of us, but whatever skill we possess in adding to the beauty of the music depends upon our willingness to learn and practice doing something besides simply blowing hot air into a horn, or banging our own drum whenever the mood strikes.
Getting in synch with self makes our own notes clearer and more powerful, while seeing the strengths and weaknesses of all the players can aide you in helping them develop the former while overcoming the latter. And if we are lucky our music will be hauntingly sweet enough to draw a crowd.

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Two Kinds Of Light

TODAY'S QUOTE:
There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.
James Thurber US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

Harsh light offends the eye, while soft caresses. Just contemplate the difference between a flare and a candle. Gentle light extends a welcome that encourages a slow gaze. You can take time to layer impressions and end up with a richer picture.
People who glow draw others, sharing space with them causes deeper understanding of just how magical humans can be. Harsh people overpower, taking by force just a fraction of what they could have received otherwise.


THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE



Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The Making Of A Life

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Make your life a mission - not an intermission.
Arnold Glasgow

This quote says it all. Do not be a butterfly on the inside of the window looking out upon life. Ask yourself daily if what you have now is enough to satisfy you forever and if it is not then take steps to get more. More could mean anything from money to knowledge and everything in between.
What satisfies me will be more than some want and less than others hunger for, but I cannot measure things that way. But if I do not bother asking more of myself and of the people around me then I doom myself to being a butterfly pressed up against the window, watching the world go by.

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Fear Is

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.
Bertrand Russell, Unpopular Essays (1950), "Outline of Intellectual Rubbish"
British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 - 1970)

Fears are like pennies; we end up with a pocket full, they weigh us down, and have no real worth. To be penniless is a plus when equated with panic. Caution that keeps us safe is one thing, but irrational fear can steal a whole lifetime.
Fright of things that others take for granted has been one of my biggest obstacles. Travel has been a challenge and I have not been that far in miles as yet. I faced a penny heavy brain and left my driveway, knowing that if I did not do so soon, I would lose heart and settle in here. That notion was harder to contemplate than a thumping chest and trembling hands. It is never what you fear but how you face it that counts.
There are many things that I have no interest in mastering. Some fears have an honored place in my soul. Snakes will never have to suffer my touch or me theirs. Mice are only cute on cartoons, and rats are scary in any fashion. But any fear that attempts to keep me from growing has just gotta go. I guess you could say I am at the penny sorting stage of my life. If I add them all up I am certain to possess the price of a life worth of living.

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE

Monday, December 05, 2005

Soul Words

TODAY'S QUOTE:
The words that enlighten the soul are more precious than jewels.
Hazrat Inayat Khan


Encouraging words often inspire others to do their best for the sake of the one saying them. But hard phrases said softly can stimulate an enlightened state of mind that will make a person change their reality for their own sake.
Negatives pointed out without spite highlight the obvious to the oblivious in a non threatening way. Word use and how they are delivered is a subtle art. Considering all aspects often flavors the meaning enough to show you something important in a new way, which by rote expands your own understanding. Listen more deeply.
The words said by each of us and how we say them matters in ways we do not always comprehend, especially the ones we use with the internal voice that only we can hear. Echoes of what you tell yourself shadow features and darken lives. Pick gems to give yourself and enjoy the treasure of an altered reality.
The following text is from an email. Thank you Annie, it's always a pleasure to receive something that makes me think enough to wish to place it here.

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE


Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have power to create conditions in your life. What you speak about, you can bring about. If you keep saying you can't stand your job, you might lose your job. If you keep saying you can't stand your body, your body can become sick. If you keep saying you can't stand your car, your car could be stolen or just stop operating. If you keep saying you're broke, guess what? You'll always be broke. If you keep saying you can't trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you. If you keep saying you can't find a job, you will remain unemployed. If you keep saying you can't find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thought will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs. If you keep talking about a divorce or break up in a relationship, then you might end up with it.
Turn your thoughts and conversations around to be more positive and power packed with faith, hope, love and action. Don't be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve.
Watch your Thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your Habits, they become character.
Watch your Character, for it becomes your Destiny
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settle for.


Sunday, December 04, 2005

Complaints

TODAY'S QUOTE:
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
Joe Walsh

Complaints are mostly useless, like slippery steps leading to deep water. Handling the issues we whine about with actions is much more productive, but it is a normal thing for most humans to complain about something. Pet peeving is pointless.
I feel lucky to see the good in so many things. Misfortune and aggravations are common threads with all of us, but how they are weaved into our lives is more important than we imagine. If utilized as lessons learned they strengthen us in ways nothing else ever could.
Complain if it soothes you, but watch your next step. Make certain it is upward toward a solution and not downward into danger. Keep a careful look out for signs, which turn up in the oddest places.
My posts have been brief of late due to days I took off that caused work to pile up here and at home. All posts will be caught up in time. Thank you for the patience shown by the ones that visit regularly and the kind words of the ones who let me know I am missed when I am absent from this quiet place.


THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Genuine Interest

TODAY'S QUOTE:
One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else.
Eleanor Roosevelt US diplomat & reformer (1884 - 1962)

The path that led here taught me this quotes lesson well. I started writing, beyond the poetry stage, days after my awakening in 1993. In the process of opening my eyes I noticed the pattern of my footsteps and was driven to record them for my own clarity.
The abuse that went on before, its ending, my friends murder and her husbands suicide, Jerry's illness and death, it all fueled my drive to write.
Writing gave me things to study, territories to conquer, like this computer and internet issues that were far above my knowledge. I struggled past one obstacle just to run into the next, but they all linked in a chain and connected enough for my steps toward knowledge to seem completely natural.
As long as I feel my dream evolving I am willing to learn whatever I need to further its promise. To leave it stationary seems unnatural, somehow. It can no more stand in place than I can, and since it is part of me where I go it will follow and I will grant it the same license.
This is just a small part of a bigger picture. But it is the heart and soul. I finally finished the novel writing course I started using a full first draft already done. The input I received all along and suggestions given and utilized will be invaluable to the rewrites I will soon begin. It is just another link in a long chain that I hope never breaks.
Find something that peaks your interest, give it your all and let it produce what links it will for you to follow to more and more and more.

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE

Friday, December 02, 2005

Different Dimensions

TODAY'S QUOTE:
The only difference between a rut and a grave... is in their dimensions.
Ellen Glasglow

This quote screamed at me, saying all I know to be true in just a few short words. Some people rut dwell without knowing, others know and care not that they follow the feet directly ahead, going nowhere at a pace set to keep them half asleep and manageable.
I know and rebel at perfectly pacing myself to anyone else's footprints. Walking beside someone or letting them lead through unfamiliar territory is necessary at times, but to make it a habit to always be a follower in all things makes a person little more than a robot. Our promise and gifts are never truly realized when we live in the constant shadow of others.

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Touching Silence

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The quiet inside of each of us sometimes gets overpowered by the noise of the crowd. It is a vast internal shelter where clarity is kept, but it will not seek us out. We must go there on our own, with deliberate steps.
Our stress levels can be manages from there. Answers are scattered all around like treasures of a tomb and questions can be placed there for safe keeping until the next visit. It is a silent place, but never stationary.
Things go on there even when we are not present in an active way. It exists for a purpose. It echoes for our sake. When we ignore its presence we put ourselves in the path of pointless danger. Find that place if you have lost it somehow, it did not desert you. Practice getting there if you have forgotten the way. Once found spend some time there every day. Absorb the beauty, accept the healing then go on with your day stronger from even a few minutes spent sheltered in a place that truly belongs only to you.

THINK ABOUT IT
LET IT GROW
THEN DECIDE