Saturday, June 03, 2006

In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. Deepak Chopra

Silence of the soul is a treasure beyond compare. Once found it's like a force field, surrounding you and keeping the worst of the pain away. Money cannot buy it, poverty cannot destroy it, and trouble cannot do more than slightly dent its surface. It comes from knowing yourself and accepting your faults. It comes from seeing your imperfections, smoothing the ones you can and coming to terms with the rest. It comes from valuing your own personal space and respecting everyone else's space as well.

Deeply held silence gives a quiet place to reflect upon things without the echo of any voice except your own. A higher hand can reach there without any effort, but a heavy hand doesn't have a chance of entering the secret garden of your soul once you set up the boundaries that keep it sound proof.

When a heartache or worry is given to me, deserved or not, I take it to that quiet place and deal fairly with it as soon as possible. I either accept or reject blame without shame knowing that I never set out to hurt others. I either devise a plan for solving a problem, or decide there is no solution and accept it as reality. I deal with what's going on inside of me inspired by external things out of my control. All my best lessons are learnt inside of that peaceful place; the most brutal truths faced, the good and the bad are given equal space and consideration.

I'm FAR from perfect, but then I've never claimed perfection. I just know that I believed for too long the voices that told me I wasn't worth much. I accept whatever portion of the blame I deserve for my own abuse, and the abuse of my children. I should've left, but didn't; fear was a factor... not an excuse I want to hide behind. By default alone, I own some blame, and by choice I accept it as the price of finding peace. I've come to terms with that part of my life and have moved on. I'm not the person I once was. The beginning of my odyssey toward acceptance was finding the silent space and using it as wisely as possible. It's served me very well through both brutal days and brighter ones.

It's not a place that you should only visit when life has you by the short hairs. To simply use it as a spot to dump your sorrows would all too soon make it a place of dread. Joys should be invited too. Everything examined inside its boundaries has a clarity that cannot be achieved anywhere else. All things of import should pass through its gates for processing, so that the most good can be gotten out of everything that touches you. I make time to visit every day, if only for a short time, to regain my balance. It's not a shadowy place in which to hide; it's a sacred soul-space that teaches you to thrive.