Friday, May 20, 2005

God's Image

It is the creative potential itself in human beings that is the image of God.
Mary Daly

I believe each of us are born with a special God given gift. Some of us never find it, because life covers it in a pile of debris before we are old enough or aware enough to fantom its existence. Our diversity makes each gift unique, and the blending of our creative potential is what makes the world such a beautiful place.
While I was trying to do this post I was struggling with someone who is determined to believe of me things I am not capable of. How can a person change the mind of another if they put meanings to your words that you never imagined possible. And to try to do so after the last couple of days is more than I am capable of.
I feel as if I have lost a friend before I ever really found them and that makes me ache for what could have been if either of us were less stubborn. My personal space is precious to me and I set limitations on what I allow inside its boundaries, but that usually doesn't keep the important things out, but in this case it does.
I acted badly, out of frustration. I said things that should have been left unsaid. But I am smart enough to realize that sometimes I will be misunderstood. And I will misunderstand just as often as anyone else. That doesn't make me bad and it doesn't condemn them either.
I am reachable. I am real. But I have boundaries placed for the strength of my own soul. Some accept those limits with grace, some push against them in frustration. Some don't get me at all. I realize that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. This isn't the first friendship that has been lost over avoidable misunderstandings. And it won't be the last. But I pray that I'll remember how melancholy I feel now and adjust my attitude to avoid this sadness next time.
After I calm down I'll revisit this friendship and make whatever peace is possible, before I go on wiser from the experience. Maybe I won't take such offence next time, but if I do I pray that I can avoid responding in kind and only making matters worse. Saying nothing at all would've been much better than saying any of the things that I did say.