Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Your Best Behavior

Don't reserve your best behavior for special occasions. You can't have two sets of manners, two social codes - one for those you admire and want to impress, another for those whom you consider unimportant. You must be the same to all people.
Lillian Eichler Watson

My best possible behavior alters daily, but I try to be real whatever my setting. The concept of doing my best in every situation is something I try to live by now. Time is just too short to travel half-assed through life. And I hate begging anyone's pardon, because of a situation I created, so I try very hard not to create any.
Tomorrow is my first day of paid labor in ages. Everyone I meet will get acquainted with the same person. Head games are well below where I stand. If I inspire talk amongst my co-workers I want it to be positive, but if I give my best it will not matter what is said.
Giving your best comes easily when you feel passion for the things you involve yourself in. I drop all walls and face new situations and people without judgments when I approach anything worth the doing. The growth of self is demanding changes in how I invest my time. Some behaviors of the past have been abandoned altogether, some passions have been redirected to more worthwhile endeavors. I am just an angel with a dirty face, seeking to ease pain by any avenue I can find.
Knowing how to ease my own came first, everything I learned led here, and I believe I am mostly free of major detour points now. Writing about it to touch others in a positive way is only one fork along this road. Hands on stroking of my fellow man is a part of me that has been ignored because of fear of reliving pain, still raw, from wounds suffered on the death march I was involved in.
I hate being afraid. Facing it will render it impotent. Letting it lead me makes no sense; I would much rather lead it to the nearest cliff, and push it over the edge. Actions that come natural deserve a life of their own, so I am resurrecting them from the ashes of the past. A road worth traveling is the location where a persons best intentions join hands with their best behavior and makes magic.