Thursday, March 17, 2005

No Space For Panic

Today's Quote:
The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.
Francis Maitland Balfour

Life can be like a carnival ride, and the last couple of days I have been doing little more than hanging on. I spent some uncomfortable hours gazing into a fun house mirror too, feeling like I was somehow lost in a time warp. Seeing my past in a family members present inspired a bit of reliving, before it stiffened all resolve to inspire others to avoid making the same mistakes I have along the way.
Unresolved issues do not just lay quiet. Locking your lips and holding things inside releases a poison that eventually demands attention in one way or another. When placed under pressure and on lock down your body will react in some uncontrollable way. Before I learned to handle things as they occurred I suffered from panic attacks. I have not had an episode in close to a quarter of a century, because I took my Doctor's advice and began fixing the things that were causing the rage I was swallowing. That lesson seems to be one each of us comes to in our own way, but forewarned is forearmed after all.
Patience is something I seem to have in abundance, which is a good thing since the demand for it is so intense right now. I am still having issues with this cable hook up. I have a 14yr old son who is suddenly acting as if he is his own boss. A project linked firmly to my future is on hold, while someone involved deals with issues of their own. Keeping my sanity will be a struggle, but I am familiar with this drill and have no worry about unraveling under pressure. Knowing the enemy is half the battle.
If everything we own comes to us too easily then soon nothing has any real value. The things worth fighting for are more precious once achieved. All I have to do is continue doing all I can to reach where I seek to go and I will get there eventually. I learned long ago that panic is the symptom of inaction. I act in self defense so panic has no place to set a trap.
Well since I composed the first part of this post I have solved the cable issue by going back to dial up. Someday I will have a computer that will support cable, but until that happens snail speed is my happy fate. And the unruly son is settling down into the firm hand that is holding him. My journey to the basement took hours of fiddling, but I achieved that too. See what happens when you do not give in to inaction? Panic did not have an inch of space in which to grow and I am in better shape this moment than I was at any other during this long endless day.