Friday, January 14, 2005

Voluntary and Involuntary Changes

This has been a week overflowing with changes, some chosen, some forced, but all necessary. For my own growth I stopped smoking, drove to the gym alone, moved a computer, and began reading Imperial Hubris. For my daughters safety I opened my home and shared my space without censure.
The difficulty of each change was not something I dwelled upon at any point in the process. What needed doing just got done. Voluntary changes were eased into, but that does not guarantee an easy experience. But a made up mind rendered every ache worth the suffering, and shortened transition time.
Involuntary changes blindside, but what was done in the name of love was a no-brainer, done by reflex, almost. To struggle against the need would have only put needless negatives into the mix. To lecture, or resent, my daughter for something out of her control would have added to her wounding and created tension.
She is back home now, and I am on day 5 of a smoke free life. I know the way to my gym now. My computer space change is an unexpected positive, and Imperial Hubris is not above my understanding. I have learned many new things in this week of change, but the lesson I value most is the one that her need and my answering of it re-taught me.
Viewing clear proof that my strength was equal to any demand placed upon it, either voluntary or not, strengthened my mind and spirit. Seeing involuntary change as an honor made bitter medicine almost sweet. Believing no weight will ever be placed on my shoulders that I cannot carry relieved any resentment for whatever load was placed there. The fact that I was reminded of that involuntarily only makes it all the more profound.