Monday, May 15, 2006

Direction Of Movement

The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The direction of movement is the most important thing; one step forward can change where we stand for good or ill. Some of us never see past the spot where we rest, some are so satisfied there or frightened of change that they never move much at all, others never hold still. Some know where they are headed, while others never have a clue. Some stand frozen, some spin in place, some follow whoever is just ahead, and some lead the way.
Having no direction means being satisfied with heading wherever the breeze blows, and it gets mighty windy sometimes. If you would not run out and invite a tornado to lift you up and deposit you where it chooses why allow life to toss you about. Blow into your own sails and see how far you can go in the direction of your choosing.
The path we travel is not always the one we dream of being on when we are children playing at being grown up. When I married I believed that happily ever after came next. Oh boy, what a rude awakening that was, and I simply continued being rudely awakened for twenty years. What a clueless moron I seemed, although deep inside I knew better, I just kept with a program that almost destroyed me and certainly damaged a couple of my children in ways I could have avoided. Looking back is painful from the vantage point I am at now, but at the time I was doing the best I could with the mind set I had. Fools mean well and I will admit that I was certainly a fool. The sad part is that being foolish reappears from time to time.
I do not wear a sign that says in bold letters "I BELIEVE LIARS" yet some pretty good ones have outwitted me in my lifetime. The fact that not all that long ago I placed my future in the hands of another one tells me that I am far from being immune to the poison they can inject. The last lesson was so brutal that I will never forget its sting. He derailed my train, but in the end he will pay a much larger price than I did. I forgave him for my own sake though I doubt he will ever forgive himself. A person has to make right the things they do to earn their own forgiveness, and I figure the odds on that are astronomical.
The moment I gave the tornado the point position I was holding on to a string and powerless to control my direction. Never again will I place my dreams in anyone else's hands to manipulate. Getting back on track took some doing and the path behind me has debris scattered everywhere, but this train is speeding away from the wreckage fueled by determination to stay on the right path or die trying.
My direction is the overcoming of obstacles and the living as fully as possible this life I have. I may seem naive at times, but it is my nature to believe the best of everyone till I am proven wrong, which I often am. Why do I persist in keeping the faith when all around me is solid proof that to do so will land me face down in some pile of dirt or another? I would rather believe in the good I see in people, even if I have to squint to see it than give my heart over to the bitterness that comes of pessimism. The only way to outdistance our mistakes is to travel on. Listen closely and you will hear my whistle blowing in the distance as I speed on by. Happiness is not a destination, but a state of mind. This train is traveling constantly forward toward every sunrise, keeping the past forever behind the caboose. My direction it forward, come what may.