Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Biggest Adventure

The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.
Oprah Winfrey

Man oh man...What a delight that is to contemplate. It is a much greater reality than even the most vivid imagination could ever conjure up. The life of my dreams was always pretty simple. I just longed to have the right to be me without being blamed for it as if it was some crime that deserved punishment. I have reached a point where I am easy in my own mind about who I am and if others do not approve I survive without the torment I once felt.
I am far from perfect, but I am certainly better than I could have been from all the damage that has been done to me in the name of love. I never in my life demanded that anyone be anything other than what they were to deserve my affection. I never returned hurt for hurt, I just kept loving blindly and that has been my biggest crime. To finally have the life of my dreams I had to accept myself in the same way, flaws and all.
I dream on paper every day, my mind demands release and I attempt to share the good and bad as example or warning to all who come in contact with me. I demand that my pain produce some good somehow then I kick it aside and go on. The overcoming is the life of my dreams, and living it is magical no matter where I am.
Pain is not a place, but some spots hold the memory of it and keep it more alive if you linger there. Unresolved agony keeps on taking its toll as long as you are determined to carry it with you. The life of my dreams is not pain free, but it is worth the pinches. The footsteps taken to find where you belong often include places where you trip and fall. To me it is not the stumbles that matter all that much, it is the fact that I refuse to stand frozen in spite of my fear that is the most important factor to being satisfied with whatever I have.
I once was certain that my life would remain the nightmare that others seemed to demand I suffer through. Now I know differently. Life is what you make of the bull shit that is tossed your way. Once upon a time I built a pretty prison out of mine, now I light each chunk to illuminate my way past the stink. To me that is progress and a life that moves forward is the life of my dreams.