Monday, February 21, 2005

The Cost Of A Dream

Well my first thought notebook had four words I barely remember writing scrawled across the middle of the page this morning. Careless, careworn, careful, and carefree stood out bold on the stark white page. Since I could not remember much about writing them I could not recall why they seemed important enough to wake me from a sound sleep. What follows is improvisation by one part of my twisted brain about what another part was thinking hours ago.
Man, am I screwed. We may all be lost by the end of this post, so click closed now if you are frightened, or read on if you dare. Seems there is no easy out for me. Like that is some huge surprise. Oh well, here goes.
I have a lot on my plate just now. All of it positive, but every portion demands change from me. Each change will take me light years toward long range goals, so I am moving as quickly as possible to implement them. I see the care words as the way my brain is reacting to this positive upheaval. It is listing choices in attitude, or seasonings I can add to the things on my plate to flavor them, if you will.
Their order means something too. If I am careless with my commitment then I may end up careworn. If I am careful then I will end up relatively carefree at my destination. Since I am committed to this lifepath I feel like I have no right to abandon it. There is no turning back possible, even if I wanted to, which I certainly do not. My brain sent out a caution message that gives me clear choices in cause and effect, and I am steering carefully toward carefree.
Life overflows with choices. Really living demands some really hard choices sometimes. But the rewards are limitless if you stay firmly on the course that is fated for you. Instant gratification is its own reward, but can often cost a bundle in the long run. Being over careful can slow you down enough that you miss the train that will get you where you were destined to be.
So find a balance and a speed that will keep you stepping carefully enough to avoid being left behind. Old habits die hard for a reason. Killing them takes commitment to the uncertain, and that is not an easy task. Achieving even a portion of what I dream of is worth any cost, because I believe soul deep that any dream worth having will not demand more than it is worth to achieve.