Saturday, November 12, 2005

Delicious Ambiguity

Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.
Gilda Radner, 1946-1989, American Actress and comedian

As is my habit, I opened my dictionary to find a clear definition of ambiguity. Webster says: 1-an expression whose meaning cannot be determined from its context 2-unclearness by virtue of having more than one meaning. And that could mean anything or nothing at all.

But life is like that, if you think about it. To find joy in living through it, both the bad and good, just for the thrill it gives, without wallowing in what it all means is a wonderful stress reliever. And doing whatever must be done to own your space, makes everything around you magical. I learned the hard way that any attention directed toward something larger than my own stunted space changes the meaning of all things, sweetening the whole. Trying to alter fate is pointless. Shit is bound to happen, that is just a given.
Fighting the current keeps us weakened, but drifting in the natural flow of things is a comfortable way to get to safety. Changing is like a graduation from one point in your life to the next, a human right of passage, yet we struggle against it too. I would much rather be a butterfly than a moth, but without a transformation that process would never occur.
I do not seek to know what happens next. But I will be alert to its approach. I find the silver in even the darkest cloud, because that is where I focus my attention. One small beam of light is enough to hold my gaze, blocking out most of the shadows. Where you train your eyes to go is where your mind will linger, so look for the glow.

The letter below came to me as an email. I left it as it was for all who want to use copy and paste to send it on. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

'I Hope You Dance... '
This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend.

Dear Bertha,
I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working.
Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.
I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.
"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.
I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was.
I'm guessing; I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.
Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.
If you received this, it is because someone cares for you. If you're too busy to take the few minutes that it takes right now to forward this, would it be the first time you didn't do the little thing that would make a difference in your relationships? I can tell you it certainly won't be the last.
Take a few minutes to send this to a few people you care about, just to let them know that you're thinking of them.
"People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don't need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there."
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.