True Understanding

It occured to me today that some might wonder why I have ego enough to think anyone would give a flip about tips from me about weighty, soul-deep issues. In all fairness, I decided to explain some things about myself that will make it easier for the ones who question my motives. Empathy is my driving force. True understanding came not only from attending and surviving years of hard knock school, but also from thriving in spite of what happened to me and around me for fifty years.
I survived twenty years of abuse, both physical and mental. But I took it one step further and changed myself so that suffering more was impossible. I taught myself to cherish my three feet of personal space then taught my abusive husband to do the same. The last ten years of our thirty year marriage was blissful, because of the friendship that grew out of my reawakening.
He is gone now. Cancer took him, last year, at the age of forty-nine. I was his nurse, caretaker, but first and formost I was his best friend. And he was mine.
I survived watching my best friend die by inches and gladly gave all footsteps to him for the 10 months it took. I kept my panic and grief private, so as not to add to his torment. He loved a sassy woman, so I stayed sassy for his sake. He died at home, in my arms, while I whispered in his ear, wanting desperatly for my voice to be the last sound he heard.
I survived the grief and loneliness of my first year as a widow with the same determination to not visit my pain on others. My family watched and then followed my example of cherishing his memory in ways that brought real comfort. We talk of him often, dwelling on his strengths and forgiving his weaknesses. He walks strong and healthy in my memory and lives in real comfort in my heart. I regret nothing.
He suffered some misplaced guilt, for all the years of abuse, once he knew that our time together was limited. I can still hear him bemoaning the fact that it took him so long to get it right. Tears filled his eyes, but I couldn't cry too, because I was the strong one, the person he leaned on. My exact words to him were, "Jerry, don't sweat the small stuff. Some people live to be old as hell and never get it right. At least you got it right, sugar. That's more than most can say. We have now, don't waste time sweating the incidentals."
I survived. But in every way I could I also thrived. It is not ego that drives me to reach out to others. My lifepath led here, and embracing its promise is a pleasure and a privilage. Giving
comfort is my natural response, giving advice is just my way of saying your not alone in whatever struggle you happen to be involved in. Demons live within all of us, slaying them is liberating. Lending my sword to the battle just comes natural.